YES.. I AM A WEAKER
I felt that i'm freaking useless..
Project had make me emotional mad..
I really HATE to sit on the same spot for hours.
I really HATE to look at the laptop for hours.
I didn't know why i am so big size, yet so WEAK.
Today, after school went to that STUPID place,

STUPID spot & do the STUPID project again.
Keep focus to my com, to do my project stuff.

Perhaps to some of ur, it's nth or something that

ur jus bear it awhile & get over it..

But to me, is completely different case..

I got lots of problem..

I can't face TV or com too long, i will vomit..

I can't sit on the same place for too long, my backache problem..

I dislike cold cos i will shiver & get sick very soon..

I can't sit in the bus or car for too long cos i got car sick.

Still got lots...... How much i wish i could be like normal..

I'm able to control my mentally but unable to control physically..

For example today, doing project on laptop,

My body felt discomfort.

I had the feeling of vomiting.

I had to try tolerate and keep force myself to do finish my project stuff 1st.

That point of time, my back, my gastric & head start to pain..

I felt very painful & almost want to shout and cry out..

But I didn't cos I dun wan my friend to know..

Honestly, i lazy to explain..

And i nv think of leaving early at all..

I can't explain, WHY ME? What I could do, is to eat pain killer..

That's it.. But it may not work sometimes..

I simply had to continue tolerate it..

After finish my stuff, i rush to the toilet and hide inside a cubical,
stood down, vomit and my tears jus flow down automatically..

I cried not becos i'm sad, but is becos i felt that it's too painful for me to suffer..

Imagine, pain until hand & leg hair keep goosebump and shiver..

Of cos pain would last few days too.. Especially my back pain..

Awhile clean up and walk out of the toilet, act like nth happen..

I didn't wan to talk at all.. Believe or not? Up to u.. I dun care..

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Beside physical pain, had also lots of problem..

Due to busy doing project, my own stuff and physical pain..

My mood very very bad.. As the result, always quarrel wit bf for nth..

When chatting online,

I used him to de-stress by scolding him, make his angry and talk nonsense..

I felt very bad but i really can't control..

I dunno wat can i do to stress out my pain..

After quarrel, my mood even worse..

Haiz.. Had to Suffer a few more day, than everything will be over..

I hope to leave this place.. Enjoy my holiday..

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UNABLE to do project Tml..

Cos mum and i had an eye Lasik check up appointment at paragon..

After that, maybe had to attend grandfather brother funeral..

No one like to attend funeral rite?

I decline of going at first but my mum insist.

Ur may think it's is a far relative so no need to go,

but we get to see him at our grand mum house every

Chinese New Year or Special Occasion.

So i still had to attend his funeral right???

It's not about how far is our related blood, now is about "RESPECT"..

No matter wat, still had to pay a respect to him one last time..

Can't possibililty, wait until my project finished than go to his funeral,

By the time, finished already..

And his funeral place, all the way at tampines.. To me very far..

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Received a Msg from NUH..

They had schedule me to go for my appointment
at 9.40 am at Cardiac Clinic H on this coming Friday..

I had been waiting for this appointment very long..

But we had a Malaysia trip on the same day too..

Still considering going Malaysia or Appointment???

If not happy or uncomfortable, go also no fun de la..
Sometimes, i rather keep quiet than to tell a lie.. TIRED..
Lastly, also had to thanks some of my friends..
Somes friends knew/understand my situation,
Their encourage, support, concern & acc me..
They are mine building support..
Appreciated in my heart.. Thank guys..